good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
