I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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