I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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