Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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