i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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