I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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