Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
