Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
