This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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