Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
