The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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