Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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