so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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