Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
