my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
