Four minutes until I can fart!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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