I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
