In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize