wanna go halves on a baby?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
