She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
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My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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