Moan for me like Helen Keller
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
