I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
