my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
