My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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