my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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