Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize