You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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