All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
