I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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