Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize