Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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