i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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