I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
