Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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