I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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