Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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