she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am mentally ready for anal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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