hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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