She is in my trunk
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize