My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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