Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
