think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
