I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
