So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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