Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
