I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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