"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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