How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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