Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
