She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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