You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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