you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize