I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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