You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
