I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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