are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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