If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
