I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
