every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
