oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
