Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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